My Grandma used to say, “The only thing constant in life is change.” Well, now as a middle aged adult, I can understand the true meaning behind such a simple sentence. Just last night, I attended a middle school parent orientation and although it wasn’t labelled as such, it was all about helping parents with the upcoming transition; your child will move on from the comforts of the single teacher-assigned class room model to a bigger school with multiple teachers who specialize in single subjects. Fear of your child not having friends, not opening his locker and struggling with time management are just some of the common uncertainties typically faced by new middle school students.

Why do we worry about new beginnings?

Losing the security of what now seems common, letting your child grow up more and not having control over the outcome tend to be some of the reasons why.

While sitting at the orientation, I thought about how similar transitional themes are felt during the college application process and also discussed at new student orientations at colleges and universities.

As parents we want our children to take risks but always succeed. We want them to feel loved. We want them to be happy. We want them to do well in school. We want them to be admitted to a ‘dream’ college or university.

Yes, we all want these accomplishments for our children but the reality is success is never attained in a straight line. We have to feel uncomfortable. We have to fail. We have to develop strategies to learn and succeed. Nothing comes easy. AND this is uncomfortable.

Here’s a great video a first year student at Cornell University created last Fall. She does just what students and parents need to do in order to address, process and transition through new beginnings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAUcoadqRlE

1. Patience: We need to be patient with ourselves through new beginnings. Feeling anxious can cause us to want the change to happen quickly. Patience is needed to let your child acclimate. It may take longer than you would like. Remind yourself that change is a process. Be patient.

2. Let go: Let your child struggle with feeling uncomfortable during a transition. That’s what is meant to happen. It’s human nature to not like feeling insecure and but try to process these uncomfortable feelings and let them go. It’s OK to feel nervous and insecure.

3. Face those feelings: Once you are able to acknowledge these uncomfortable feelings you will be able to then process them.

4. Think of a time in your past when a transition was uncomfortable. Did it eventually work out? How did you manage any anxiety or stress during this timeframe? Rely on past experiences to help you with the current transition.

5. Talk to your child(ren) about all of the above. Talk about how change is supposed to feel uncomfortable. You are there to support and help her through this time.

And before long, after you are settled into the new phase, a new transition will arise! Because as my Grandma always said, “The only thing constant in life is change.”

About the author:

Suzanne Lagemann, M.A. is an adjunct professor at Montclair State University and is an independent college admissions consultant. She is an associate member of IECA and has worked in higher education for almost 20 years. suzannelagemann@gmail.com, @slage24